Australia: Melbourne & Brisbane

Is very far away. Go anyway. Here's what you need to steal my vacation:

Prepare for sleep: Travel

One of the biggest things in my planning was planning the flight to Australia itself. Here are my recommendations.

1. Jet lag is optional. I read a bunch of articles on this, and I did not believe that "jet lag is optional," as Taylor Swift said, but now I am a believer. The Timeshifter app will convert you, too. The app tells you when to drink caffeine, when not to, when to stay up very late, when to sleep, when to put on your sunglasses, and when to take melatonin. I followed it on the way there and was totally fine when I woke up the next day. Alexis and Leon did not really follow it and... had more jet lag. So on the way back. all of us followed it to a tee, had no jet lag, and went to school / work the next morning. It is truly magical. If you ever take an international trip, you should definitely get this. 
2. Suit up. I did a lot of research into neck pillows and eye masks. These are the two that I got. Originally. I had this Trtl neck pillow, which was fine, but I felt like if I moved my head at all, it kind of didn't work, so I went for this bigger, chunkier one. Honestly, none of them are really comfortable--you're sleeping sitting up in a really tight uncomfortable chair. I don't know--maybe bum some miles off of someone or wrangle a way to fly there for work so you can be in business class?--otherwise, these were the best I could do. I also bought the Wirecutter recommended compression socks and then last minute felt so depressed by them that I bought a second pair that were cuter.
3. The flight is not actually that long. With the app, you are only really awake on a flight for about six hours at a time, which is a great amount of time to watch two movies. You can do anything for two movies. Honestly, don't freak out; it's going to be fine.

A strong animal survey: Melbourne.

I know everyone chooses Sydney because it's more iconic, has the opera house, and is on a beach. We chose Melbourne because it's closer to some strong animal sightings (and Claire's new baby). Other Melbourne toplines: it has delicious food and is a great city to walk around. They have all these laneways which originally maybe had something to do with sewage, but are nonetheless charming and fun to walk around.

I spent a lot of time with Gemini thinking about hotels in the city. First, we landed on the Adelphi Hotel, which seems like a magical boutique hotel. Ultimately, I was swayed toward the Grand Hyatt because Gemini taught me how to use Chase Sapphire points to book hotels cheap, and I managed to book all of the hotels in our entire trip with credit card points. In the end, I bet the Adelphi would have been cuter, but the Grand Hyatt was easy and free. It also had the best breakfast buffet I have ever had in my entire life. I wish it for you and your family. 

A few highlights of Melbourne are:

1. The Melbourne Zoo. How is this the best zoo that's ever existed? Animals actually have places to walk around, and you get to see all the insane Australian animals that either want to kill you or were just created by a mad scientist. You can buy a picnic at Queen Victoria Market, and then take the tram a few stops and make a day of it. 
2. Coffee. I did not understand that Melbourne = coffee. I had to read an article to really understand what a flat white (latte-esque) and a magic (fancier version) and a long black (Americano) were. My take: you want a double flat white. 
3. Shopping. Alexis had ChatGPT build her a shopping walking tour mostly centered around Fitzroy. She bought two amazing pairs of pants and a jacket at ____, and I got a sweatshirt at Signet. We ended our shopping trip with a visit to Pieces of Eight, an independent jewelry design collection. During our walks, I also got sidetracked into Gorman, which feels kind of like Boden in the way that it's colorful perky things for middle-aged women, but I am a middle-aged woman who likes color? I am also kind of kicking myself that I didn't get a pair of glasses at Seasons Optical, which had a strong variety of Japanese frames. Leon was very taken with both the anime stores and Haights Chocolates, which featured an Easter bilby rather than an Easter bunny for the holiday. 
4. Footy. I feel terrible because Alexis's brother-in-law somehow scored us great tickets to a game in Melbourne. Up until I saw the field, I thought we were going to a soccer game. It turns out it was Australian Rules football, or footy, which is the most intense sport I've ever seen. I can't describe it to you except to say that it's kind of like a cross between football, hockey, basketball, and wrestling. It's just a display of pure aggression and athleticism rolled up together. If you have the chance, you should really go to a game at the Marvel Center. It is captivating. 
5. The aquarium. On this trip, I really leaned into the animals. Our kid is an animal kid, and Australia has a lot of weird animals, so we went full animal mode. We went to nothing cultural, just animals, shopping and eating. We went to the aquarium, which was across several floors and really spacious in a way that made me feel like I didn’t feel bad for the sea life. We got to marvel at an enormous crocodile and see manta rays swim over our heads. It was really crowded, but it was still a highlight. And I'm picky about aquariums (aquaria?). 
6. So much good food. Gemini and I triangulated on Asian (for Alexis), gluten-free options (for me) and room to wander (for Leon). I gave us a 95% on our plan (see it all here): 
1. Rice Paper Scissors: delicious Asian fusion with gluten-free bao buns
2. Chin Chin: excellent Thai
3. Chocolate Buddha: my one miss, but maybe just because we sat outside and I was freezing. Inside was a conveyor belt which would have probably been the way to go
4. Mamasita: very solid Mexican

I see you, penguins: Phillip Island & Sorrento. A weird Gemini recommendation: at the end of every day, hundreds of tiny penguins climb out of the sea and walk up to land. Gemini promised me this was an experience my kid would love. The robots are not wrong.

• The drive from Melbourne to Phillip Island is about two hours, and you can rent a car in the Central Business District. We rented from Avis, and it was super-easy and I've never said that before in my life.
• When you're almost there, you get to stop for lunch at the Fisherman's Co-op and have freshly caught fish and chips right on the water. It was maybe the best fish and chips of my life, and I've spent every summer of my life in New England. 
• As part of your tickets to the Penguin Parade, you also get free admission to the Koala Sanctuary: two amazing Australian animals in one. You walk around on boardwalks and ogle barely awake stuffies in trees scratching themselves and falling back asleep. It was great. Also: spotted some wild wallabies just hopping around.
• You also get free admission to Churchill Island, which is an old farm. I thought it looked pretty cool--an old farm on an island with a good-looking cafe, but for Alexis it was a little too close to her rural New Jersey childhood, so we had to pass. If I went again, I would probably go. 
• For the Penguin Parade, I did a lot of research (unsurprisingly) and opted for the most expensive seats (also unsurprisingly--this was a "well, we're going all this way" kind of trip), which are in the underground viewing area. It’s basically a bunker with a window at ground level so you can be face-to-beak with these tiny penguins. You’re not allowed to take pictures at the Penguin Parade, and I think that makes it more magical because you can really be present and focus on those cute little waddling things. They were also in molting season, so they were extra chubby, and they had to keep taking breaks to lie on their bellies because they were too tired.  
• I really panicked about it being cold because everything I read was convinced me that, “It’s freezing on Phillip Island, and the wind off the ocean is freezing.” But really, the underground bunker gets a little sweaty in there, so I brought a whole wool sweater for no good reason.
• For dinner before the penguins, just eat at the Penguin Center. Trust me, you have to get there early, and the food is pretty good. 
• We stayed overnight at the Bimbadeen Farm Stay, which has three modern apartments on a farm about 8 minutes away from the penguins. It was perfect: two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen/living room that were clean, and had a friendly alpaca and sheep in the back. 

The next morning, we woke up, had a great breakfast at Mon Dieu, and then drove to the Nobbies, which are breathtaking and where we saw a baby echidna wandering in the parking lot (Australia, you're killing me.) After that, we drove to Sorrento to swim with dolphins and seals (the "puppies of the sea"). This was a lot of driving, because while it's about 10 seconds as the crow flies from Phillip Island to Sorrento, in reality you have to drive all the way down one peninsula and then all the way out another peninsula for a total of about two hours. It was still worth it.

• At the end of March, the ocean was almost too cold to swim in. In fact, my kid's lips turned blue ("but he's a blue heeler"), but the tour was glorious. The sea was clear, and there's nothing like looking at a seal who is swimming upside down to try to see you. 
• There are two main tour companies: Moonraker Tours (the incumbent) and Polperro. I  honestly think both are fine. I ended up booking based on the timing--I wanted to do an afternoon tour so we'd have plenty of time to get there from Phillip Island. They provide everything: wetsuits of every size, fins, mask / snorkel, snacks, hot shower. 

Hello, sea turtle: Lady Elliot Island

I believe in climate change, which makes me also believe that the Great Barrier Reef might not exist within my lifetime. I definitely wanted to use this opportunity to make sure I saw it. It turns out the Great Barrier Reef is not near anything. Brisbane is the closest major city to the Great Barrier Reef, sure, but it's still quite far from it. If you really want to go to the Great Barrier Reef, you would go to Cairns or fly into Brisbane and drive all the way up to Bundaberg. Both of these seemed like a real hassle, if I'm honest, with long drives or connecting flights and a night on either side in a town that seemed not that interesting.

So Gemini made the suggestion to stay on the Great Barrier Reef itself rather than trying to travel to Cairns or Bundaberg from Brisbane. Oh, great--is it more expensive? I'm in. There are two options: 

1. You can stay at an eco-resort on Lady Elliot Island, a atoll on the southernmost part of the reef.
2. You can stay on a glass ship at Lady Musgrave Island.

I was really torn until Alexis mentioned that if we stayed overnight on a glass boat, she was definitely going to be seasick. We went with Lady Elliot Island. Ultimately, it was a great, great decision. 

You can take a small plane from the Gold Coast, Brisbane, or farther north (like Bundaberg) to Lady Elliot Island and the cost of the flight is included in the cost of the stay (which was my biggest splurge of the trip).  This meant that we could mostly stay in Brisbane, a city that seemed interesting enough (and is the home to Bluey), and also go to the Great Barrier Reef. Sold. 

Things about Lady Elliot Island:

• When you land, you get a tour like you're going to camp. It is kind of like camp. There are all these little standalone tents, buildings, and cabins. I booked the last cabin because I was booking just a few months in advance. I may have gotten the only cabin that did not have its own private bathroom (carrying your shampoo to the shower = strong camp vibes). 
• All you need and want to do all day is be in the water. They provide the fins, masks, snorkels and sunblock, and you can rent wetsuits and anything else you need. There are two sides of the island where you can snorkel or dive:
• On the eastern side is the lagoon, which is incredibly shallow. Despite it being shallow, you can see amazing creatures. The first day we went, we saw an octopus. I watched its skin change color, shape, and texture about 12 inches from my face. Holy geez. 
• On the western side, it is deeper. Here, you can see bigger animals like white-tip and black-tip reef sharks, manta rays, and, of course, sea turtles.
• All of the meals are included in a cafeteria, sure, but a cafeteria that has great variety and managed to have things that were appealing for Alexis, my gluten-free self, and our kid. 

No, that's too big to be a bat: Brisbane

We spent six nights in Brisbane. Would I have given one or two of those nights to Melbourne if the Lady Elliot timing had worked out? Sure, but it didn't. 

We stayed in two hotels in Brisbane:

1. The night after we arrived in Brisbane but before we went to Lady Elliot Island, we stayed at the Crystalbrook Vincent Hotel, which is part of this new development at Howard Smith Wharves. It was very stylish and modern and we felt very cool. It is a hotel for grown-ups: the pool is very instagrammable, but not big enough or warm enough for playing.
2. Then we stayed at our friendly Hyatt in the Central Business District, which was very pleasant (less fancy than the Melbourne Hyatt but still solid). They upgraded us from a regular king room to a family adjoining room for $50 a night, and gave us a discount for pre-booking our breakfast buffet. (Thank you, Gemini, for the tip. And for writing me the emails to send to the Hyatt.)

What do you want to do in Brisbane? Here are a few ideas:

1. Go to Bluey's World. Our 10-year-old was maybe on the upper edge of the expected child age range, but it was still magical. I enjoyed  every minute of walking through the rooms of Bluey's house; we played keepy-uppy in Bluey's backyard, we put berries on the pavlova, we chatted with Unicorse, we mucked around at the creek, we ate three sisters pizza. I was filled with joy. Take 
2. Go to Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. You can pay extra for "encounters" with any of their animals at the sanctuary, it seems. I chose the koala. (I learned through a long conversation with Gemini that it is, in fact, illegal and unethical to actually hold and cuddle a koala, so I had to do the next best thing: a "koala encounter," which was basically a tour around the sanctuary and a few minutes to gently pat the back of a koala. Koala fur feels like an expensive wool carpet; it was worth paying a premium to touch it.) Under-rated feature: feed the kangaroos, and feel their fuzzy chins on your palm. Also check out the other improbable Australian creatures that are mostly nocturnal: wombats, echidna, wallabies, tazzie devils, platypuses, etc. They will be sleeping in the shade and you'll have to get on your hands and knees to try to catch a glimpse of them in their burrows.
3. Go to Streets Beach. And all of the amazing free playground areas in South Bank. Not only was there a free giant pool (with lifeguards), but there was also a free giant artificial beach (actually much better than you'd think it would be), a creek, and a gigantic playground. Our kid's favorite playground feature was a giant hamster wheel that we dubbed the Wheel of Pain because it really just looked like children falling and stepping on each other's heads, but they seemed to be shrieking in pleasure? Even when our kid fell off and got an egg the size of an actual egg on his head, I had to fight him to not immediate climb back in. What do I know, I'm a grown-up.
4. Walk around the botanic garden. It's magical and in the center of the city. Solid playground, too.
5. Go on a day trip to the rainforests in the Gold Coast. About an hour away are rainforests, and caves with glow worms. We chose this tour because it seemed to have all the things: waterfalls, koalas, glow worms, rainforest, our choice of lunch, and I was not disappointed. 
6. Go to West End for the more hip, boutique shopping feel. I can't say too much here, because I was dealing with the possible concussion (see above) and so you'll have to ask Alexis.
7. Go to museums. Apparently, they are all free and have great exhibits, but do they have live animals? No. So not on this trip. 
8. Okay, just spend all of your time at Streets Beach. It's hot out, and sticky, and adults can swim, too.

Brisbane's restaurants are also pretty good. Same search terms as above yielded: 

• Stanley: delicious Chinese mostly outdoors on the Wharves. Directly above the dining area is a tree with bats the size of small dogs. Their wingspans were equivalent to mine.
• Donna Chang: fancy Chinese in an old bank
• Felix for Goodness: in the alley behind our hotel, the most Australian breakfast / lunch place you can imagine. Yes, avocado toast.
• Olive & Angelo: gluten-free gnocchi
• Taro's Ramen: maybe more of a work lunch place inside an office building? Still, gluten-free ramen.

Want all of this in a Google map? I've got you.